Ahhh. The luxury of time. I'm fortunate enough to be a stay at home mother for just a little bit longer. To have the chance to watch my daughter grow, to care for her every single day, to look into her beautiful face and relish the fact that she's all mine. It is interesting how time changes though. My life currently consists of different types of time. I have my personal time (however few and far between!)...time to enjoy, to relax, to indulge, to just be. As my 9 week old daughter currently sleeps next to me, I am able to have some wine and cheese, to catch up on one of my favorite television shows - Homeland - and to spend a little quality time with myself. Having to take care of another person day in and day out, you suddenly realize how much "me time" you've taken for granted in the past. Soon she'll wake up and need me for everything. Need me to feed her, to hold her, to change her, to burp her, to cuddle her, to love her. And as soon as I hear her subtle (ok, maybe not so subtle...) stirs and cries, I'll have to abruptly switch out of cheese-and-wine mode and move into Mommy mode. And again, time changes. Now I have to watch the clock to monitor how long she's eaten, how long she's slept, how much time we have until bath time or bedtime or our next feeding (or most importantly until Daddy gets home!). Time takes on a whole new meaning. And while both are important, they are very different. Some days it feels like I don't have enough time for myself. I have to admit - and with a bit of guilt - that I sometimes wish I had more time for myself. The chance to make it to yoga, to cook a healthy dinner, to tackle the mounds of laundry in this apartment that would put Sarni to shame. But then my baby wakes up and she sees my face. Her eyes light up and fixate on me. She smiles with her whole mouth, so wide, so happy in her innocence and my heart just melts.
I suppose when I stop to consider all of this I have to appreciate how lucky I am. Some people don't have the time for any of these things, to do any of them well. Some are working two or three jobs to make ends meet and never see their children. Some want children and are unable to have them. Others are unemployed and have to be at home but don't want to be. I have the best of both worlds, of every world, and I am thankful for that. The key, the challenge, the newest obstacle I face will be finding the balance between all of the types of time I am lucky enough to have in my life.
And as Abu Nazir is on the prowl, I will be going. Happy Monday :)
